I’ve discovered a couple of web sites that I adore. One is MethodX (www.methodx.net), and it’s part of Upper Room Ministries. I love that it has a section on Lectio Divina that actually walks you through the practice (you choose a verse and are prompted in several stages). I need to be walked through—otherwise my mind skitters off after whatever mental butterflies flutter by. There’s also a section on Examen, which I tried to do in the shower last night. That did not go particularly well, but I figured that if I tried to do it sitting or lying down before bed I would drift off. Any time I try to meditate I fall asleep. I hope no one at work has noticed the couple times I dozed off during devotions (given that I tend to snore, I’m a bit nervous about this).
I also really like Practicing Our Faith (www.practicingourfaith.org), because it has a section on discernment, which is a great mystery to me. I don’t have much of a problem praying—I chatter at God a lot—but it tends to be a rather one-sided conversation. I don’t have much of a clue when God is talking to me. I think I’m like Bruce in Bruce Almighty—Just give me a sign! Meanwhile I’m driving behind a truck of flashing road signs: No Entry, Danger Ahead, Turn Back. The fact that I have very little silence in my life is a problem. When I do have silence, I fall asleep from the sheer novelty of no stimulation.
So, given the chaotic state of my prayer life, I’ve found comfort in some MethodX articles, such as this one on “The Second Breath: Turning Frustration into Prayer”. If ever a prayer method applied to my life, this is it. I could also relate to the opening sentence: “I didn't begin praying in a steady, daily way until I gave up all attempts to develop a ‘prayer life.’” Unfortunately, I was unable to turn frustration into prayer this morning when Three-Year-Old refused to put on her pull-ups, and in a fit of annoyance I took her butt naked to the car and dressed her there while she cried wildly. No, I would say that frustration won out there, but I am determined to give this method a go.