Friday, August 14, 2009

I Have Discovered a New Word. Let Us Celebrate.

“Heteroflexible.” How did I not know this word existed? From what I can tell it has been around for a number of years. I am appalled at my ignorance. It’s such a useful word. “Heteroflexible” is perfect for describing half the student population back in my college days. I had been making do with “experimental,” which you have to admit pales in comparison as a descriptor. (I wonder if the word “homoflexible” exists, for those you are usually gay but sometimes fall for a person of the opposite gender. Yes! I just looked it up and it does exist! The English language wins again.)

Heteroflexible is so much better than other recent neologisms such as, say, “metrosexual.” I am not entirely convinced this word is necessary. It seems to refer to a 21st century version of Beau Brummel. I admit that calling someone a “dandy” sounds quaint and completely out of touch with the world of contemporary male fashion. I suppose we need a way to say “he’s straight even though he wears Prada and gets a weekly manicure.” Another trendy and rather silly new word is “bromance,” which means a close relationship between two men that isn’t sexual, something we women call “friendship.”

And then there’s this word “omnisexual” that I keep running across. This seems to have replaced “bisexual,” perhaps because it sounds more inclusive. You know, in case you have sexual feelings for your iPod, your cell phone, your dog, your avatar, your breakfast cereal, and so forth. I cannot hear it without thinking of “omnivore,” thereby connecting sex with both dinosaurs and a wide-ranging gustatory palate.

19 comments:

  1. 'Heteroflexible'..I like it!
    It has rythem..Now I have to invent a reason to use it in a sentence.

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  2. Monosexuals must be people who only masturbate. And freshly de-flowered virgins must be called neosexuals.

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  3. I've learned more in this post than anything I've read or heard all week. Thank you for enlightening me.

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  4. Sling: Oh, find a way to use it in a post. I know you can work magic with it.

    Random: Neosexual - that's brilliant. I would also consider Narcisexual but I think their are pronunciation problems.

    Mompriest: Always glad to pay it forward.

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  5. I see I have spelling problems. There, not their. Sigh.

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  6. This post made me smile.
    I've never heard of any of those terms before other than metrosexual.

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  7. I had heard of Metrosexual, from something or another. Bromance off of TV when they described all of the male duo lead actors and although omnisexual didn't click I seen it on Boston Legal once or a dozen times.

    I had never heard of the rest and initially thought 'Heteroflexible' was going to lead in an entirely different direction..lol

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  8. [Random -- is your profile pic from Kung Fu Hustle?]

    I've been pondering whether the influx of words like "bromance," "man-date," "man-purse," "man-skirt, "man-crush" (I have one on Sting), etc., are encouraging examples of mainstream culture warming up to a broader range of affective homosocial expression, or just a way for heteronormativity to co-opt gay culture.

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  9. Hope: Thanks! I like to amuse when I can.

    Grish: I think metrosexual sounds like a bar in the West Village.

    Irritable: (Yep, that's from Kung Fu Hustle, which is just fabulous.) It's been years since I've heard the dulcet tones of academia. :) I think mainstream culture is more accepting than they've ever been, which is heartening. But hetero culture is always interested in co-opting and then imprinting their own brand name. At one point the openly gay actor John Barrowman was in the running to play Will in Will & Grace, but he lost out to a straight actor. Barrowman was told that he wasn't gay enough. So, open to the idea of a gay character, but only one who met their standards of gayness. And then, and I confess I do this, there's a tendency to fetishize gay culture (mostly women fetishizing male gay culture). I guess that has something to do with power and gender roles and god know what else. I'm sure there's something that could be said about capitalism, production, consumption and desire. I can't sustain thought long enough to sort though all that, which is why I never studied philosophy.

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  10. I was hoping you'd like that.

    Just knowing there's something that could be said gets you halfway there. People interested in that sort of thing who don't want to read a bunch of dead white guys go into some variant of cultural studies. Or maybe it's just me.

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  11. Heterosexual sounds similar to "bicurious," but since everybody who's ever used that word has eventually turned full-on gay I'm not sure it even matters.

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  12. BTW, our discussion made me think of this article, which in addition to being interesting has the best subtitle ever.

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  13. Sling: Looking forward to it!

    JP: Doesn't bicurious imply you haven't actually done anything? Eventually, if you opt for monogamy, you end up declared one way or the other, even if your sexuality is not focused exclusively on one gender. Such is life.

    Irritable: Yes, that is a truly inspired title. My first husband was always dipping into queer studies because of the content he worked with. It's a pretty fascinating area, which manages to make transgression sound as exciting as a week in a library. Well, actually, a week in a library is a very pleasant thought, but on a different trajectory. Yes, I think there is a problem with images of gays in popular culture substituting for actual change to the social structures that exclude gays from marriage and keep them open to discrimination. But I'm not sure why we expect any targeted minority to be more interested in overthrowing the system than in forcing accommodation. It seems to lead to "You of all people should vote/protest/sign this petition/march."

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  14. You raise an excellent point.

    It's ironic, isn't it, to have straight white people clamoring for the overthrow of society in the name of various "othered" groups, many of whom just want access to what the straight white people have had all along.

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  15. Now you've got me wondering: Can male homosexuals have a bromance? - - or is that just called "dating?"

    . . .Discuss amongst yourselves.

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  16. And you are not alone in asking that question, Buck. I ran across it somewhere or other. I'm still wondering why "bromance" at all? Why not just call it friendship? Will they come up with "womance" next?

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  17. Monosexual, Homosexual, Heterosexual, Metrosexual, Omnisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual, Transsexual, Pomosexual, Asexual, Mountainsexual, Nonsexual, Heteroflexible, Objectum sexual... The labels never end, do they?

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