Monday, April 10, 2006

Spiritual Doldrums

It’s Holy Week, and just about every blog I visit seems to mention it. I’ve been thinking about my lack of any spiritual community, discipline, or enthusiasm. I am not the kind of person who is filled with spiritual joy. Christianity is something I assent to because it has pursued me, but emotionally I remain distant. I cannot imagine getting teary-eyed over Christ’s sacrifice. I can’t say that I ever have. It is satisfying as a pattern, as a plan, as whatever, but I have no emotional connection to it. The world is broken, we are all broken, redemption is needed, redemption is provided. The birth of my children I can respond to—God becoming incarnate, dying, and rising again, well, He is God, after all. When anything is possible, is anything truly astounding?

4 comments:

  1. Hi Alice, its also Alice. Spiritual Doldrum. I understand it. I also know, spirituality is often mistaken for some kind of feelings that need to arise..euphoria/meloncholy etc. It's about discipline and then perseverence for all the days that there isn't spiritual "joy". Can we even grasp that? I don't know but its the struggle that God wants. Him knowing you know that you can't do it and grace is the only thing that gets you to Him in the end.

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  2. I can relate. Truly.

    Did you have a spiritual community previously? Before marriage perhaps?

    Just curious.

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  3. This year I decided I was against Palm Sunday (or Palm-to-Passion Sunday as it has become recently). Yesterday's worship just felt like one emotionally manipulative turn after another. Now we're all shouting "Hosanna!" and pretending we're happy about Jesus entering Jerusalem! Yipee! But, ooooh, now we're all somber because the walk through Holy Week has begun.

    I left church yesterday wondering why we put so much emphasis on feeling Holy Week. As if we're pretending that Jesus is going through this whole ordeal all over again.

    That just does nothing for me at all. It seems to be some strange desire to decimate the thousands of years since the event happened in order to make it feel real to us. Ugh. Maybe I better stop going on about it here and write about it over at my place. :)

    Thanks for your honest entry about this.

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  4. Oh yeah, I am one of the crybabies this time of year. My excuse is that I have only been a Christian for 2 1/2 years, so this is all completely new. I haven't had time to feel manipulated because for me, this really is the first time I have come face to face with it. (Well, technically the third time, but each year I seem to find something new to cry about.)

    But I definately felt distant during Advent last winter. It was a bummer when everyone else was getting into the 'Christmas Spirit'. I wondered if I was the only one that thought Advent was way darker than Lent.

    Love+
    Rachel

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