Thursday, January 26, 2006
Sick in the Head
Literally. I stayed at home today with a sinus infection. And now it's evening. How did the time, my time of rest, go so quickly? Of course some of it was spent at the doctor's office and the pharmacy, but still, I feel so very tired. And whiney. And I always feel guily when I take a day off work, as if I'm kid playing hookey. And I feel guilty that the kids are still at daycare, even though I'm tired and sick. I dread the pileup of work on my desk tomorrow. I like my job. I like the people I work with. But this afternoon, when I was wandering the drugstore aisles waiting for my prescription, I saw a girl in a school uniform with her mom. And when I drove into the parking lot of our apartment complex, I saw another girl, walking home from the bus, and I felt such a pang of sadness. I wish I could be one of those moms who's waiting at home when their kids come in from school.
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I understand that. I wish that my wife didn't have to leave our home. She doesn't really work a regular job right now (she is a student), but I have not been able to provide well enough to give her more.
ReplyDelete(sigh)
((Alice))
ReplyDeleteIt's so painful, that. My kids are teens now, and really don't need that kind of exclusive focus, but I still feel guilty that I'm not mum enough for them...even though they assure me loudly and frequently that I am.
On my more sensible days, I realise that a mother doing a job she enjoys (or loves, in my case) who is not worried silly about money all the time is probably a better deal for them....and I spend as much time mothering in the gaps as I can. The trouble with loving as much as one loves one's children is that nothing will ever feel enough...but you're doing fine, you know. It shines through your writing!
Hope you feel better all round today.
Blessings xx
Lord, You have heard the cry of Alice's heart and I ask that You would speak into that hurting place. I pray that she would have peace about where she is in life or that she would sense the direction You would have her go. Either way Lord, I ask for protection over her 2 children, that You would bring good people into their lives that can minister to them at daycare. I pray that Your will would be done in this family and I ask Lord, that You would touch Alice and heal her completely from this sinus infection. I pray that this weekend would have some nice relaxing times for them to enjoy together as a family and that Your Holy Spirit would be a tangible presence in their home. I ask that You would bless this family, and especially Alice for the heart that You have given her. Amen.
ReplyDeleteI hope you feel better in the coming days. I am a bit of a whiny brat when I get sick, so I find your post to be rather tame compared to the junk I might spew if I were sick. I do understand feeling like you are missing out on something. Having re-entered school this past fall, all of our friends are either two-job families or feeling financially comfortable enough to have children or leave a parent at home. We find ourselves caught between the wants and desires of one world and the realities of the one we live in.
ReplyDeletegrace and peace, feel better
Maybe this will make you feel better: in discussing our upcoming move with my two kids, I told them that they will be going to an after school program at least three days a week due to my increased work hours.
ReplyDeleteTheir faces lit up with joy. "We get to go to after care? Really? Every week?"
Turns out that, for the past eight years that I've been turning myself inside out and backwards to make sure they never had to be in daycare full time or in after school care more than occassionally, they've been envying their peers who got to do "cool stuff" while they went home to boring old Mom.
Sometimes I think women just can't win . . .
get better soon !
ReplyDeleteand for the record, daycare when you are sick is the BEST place for your girls. Trust me. And yeah I felt guilty about it too
blessings
Darling Bad Alice,
ReplyDeleteGuess by now you've realized that no matter what you do you are never going to feel it's enough for your babes. But you love them. You care for them. It is enough. You have to take care of yourself if you are going to take care of them. God bless you, girlfriend. I know He does. And I hope you feel better soon.
Honey, I wish I could give you this gift. I thought that gift was going to come true when we moved here to Georgia but it turned out I got really sick and you had to work. I am depending on G-d that when I am done with my degree I might be able to give you this gift back . . . but G-d's will be done. Or at least one of us be home with the kids instead of shipping them off to who knows what ideology. At least we have a 50 percent chance of good moral teachers being in the Bible Belt of the South.
ReplyDelete