After a brief respite over the weekend, my dear husband is again in intense pain. I feel so sad and helpless. Nothing much I do can really help, and the almost constant pain wears at his spirit. When a man starts to wish he had terminal cancer because he would at least know there was an end in sight, you know things are bad. I gather that quite a few people with IC have expressed this wish, if the support groups are any indication. He has one of the best specialists in town, but we can’t afford the acupuncture she recommends, or fly to San Francisco where one of the absolute best therapeutic programs is. There are no more days off to draw from, so he drags himself to work. He wants so much to finish his BA and continue schooling to become a chaplain. This disease makes him feel as if all his dreams are unreachable. He worries so much about being a burden and about not really being there for the girls or for me. And I feel like all I can do is cry. Of course I pray and pray and pray. I get testy with God, I get testy with the girls, poor things. I’m frightened, and feel so insufficient.
Dear Hubby has yet another UTI. He gets them every few weeks. A course of antibiotics, a brief spell of relief, another UTI. He couldn't see the urologist, who is away on mission, only the nurse. He has to change doctors soon, for insurance reasons. I hope the new urologist will have some thoughts on how to treat the recurrent infections as well as the IC. The traditional home preventatives--cranberry juice and acidophilus--are very bad for IC bladders. He's looking into taking his short term disability, if it doesn't take forever to kick in. Sigh.
Thanks, everyone, for your prayers.